These Three Days
by Astrid Goes For A Spin
Summary: "It's just…it's been three days, Dad. I just thought ….Toothless would be back by now." How Hiccup spent the time from when Toothless flew away to when he nosed open the door to the Mead Hall.
1. Day 1: EarlyMorning

**It has somewhat of a dismal first chapter, but it will get better in a little bit; seeing as Hiccup's pretty stable with the fact of Toothless' absence by the time that Stoick is banging on the roof. You know the ending is okay; but the beginning is sad. Read at your leisure, reviews are appreciated. **

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><p>Hiccup thought his heart stopped beating. His mouth felt empty, like he had tried to eat thin air. His chest actually hurt. But what was worst was the pain in his throat, the burning in his eyes that would come out as tears. But he couldn't let tears come, at least not while he was in the village.<p>

He turned, clenching his fists, willing himself not to cry, and walked with stiff, wooden steps back into his house. His dad was just getting up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and stoking the fire.

"Toothless left," Hiccup said in a slow, very controlled whisper.

Then he turned again, went to the door, and looked back. His dad was at a loss, but seemed glad Hiccup had confided in him. If he could call it confiding; he was sure anyone looking had seen what happened.

He tried to push it out of his mind. Because if he thought about it, even let the feelings wash over him, then he would cry, and then he would be less than them again.

"Son," began Stoick, looking like he had no idea what to say.

Hiccup saved him the trouble. "It-" he gulped, and tried to start again. "It's nothing. Toothless…well, he can…he can fly now. So it's okay." It sounded weak, even to him. It sounded like a question, but he wasn't very hopeful. And no explanation would be forthcoming to Toothless' sudden ability to fly solo.

For some reason, he felt –

No. He didn't feel anything.

"I'm…I'm going to go."

Then Hiccup opened the door and went outside. He slumped against the thick, sturdy wood, the opposite side of which he'd once pressed his back to. Except now cold was seeping into him, instead of steady, burning heat, and now he was trying to keep his feelings in, instead of the dragons out.

If he started thinking he'd never make it to the woods.

Hiccup ran. Running was not a fun activity for Hiccup. He never knew where his prosthetic would land, especially in a few inches of snow uncleared in the forest. It could hit anything, from branches to rocks to roots, and he would fall on who knows what. He also did not enjoy running because it involved…well, running, and running wasn't very fun with an iron leg.

But if he didn't get clear of the village within approximately two minutes he would explode.

He ran as hard as he could, short, quick breaths encouraging him to run faster.

He needed to just…go. And be alone.

Now that he was so sought after, Hiccup had fully come to appreciate how much he'd liked solitude when he'd had it. He wouldn't have given up Toothless for the world – it was just a… it was the first thing on his mind. But Hiccup managed to duck under a tree root and hunker down behind a rock in his cove before the tears came.

He yelled; there was no one to hear him. No one would ever find him here. It hurt to be in such close proximity to where he and Toothless had spent so much time – just over there – but it was the only place he knew well enough to go and be safe while everything was slippery with ice.

Slippery and iron leg didn't go so well.

Which reinforced the reason he was here.

But it also made everything sadder.

But now that he could get his feelings out, Hiccup didn't mind.

His breath came ragged, and tears coated his cheeks. His face burned red with cold and emotion, and he sat in a little ball; his back up against a freezing rock, seeping cold into his skin; clutching his legs to his chest, his head down.

But what disgusted him most was himself. Here he was, crying like a four-year old, going to the one place that would make him even more upset. He…he hadn't really gone through anything anyone else hadn't. Sure, the..the little kids were upset, but everyone else had…gotten over it already.

Everyone else had lost their dragons days ago.

The only reason _he _hadn't was because he'd accidentally crippled the thing months ago.

And now…and now it didn't need him anymore.

_It_. Was that how he was reduced to referring to Toothless now? As an _it_?

Everything Hiccup thought he knew was thrown into a dazzling, harsh new light. What if…what if Toothless only saved his life because he knew he would never fly without him?

Hiccup blinked, wondering where the dark thoughts were coming from. He'd never thought of anything that bad before. Probably…probably just…grief.

He wondered for a moment if this was how his dad had felt when his mother had died; then immediately discarded it. His mother had died because she got sick. That was all. She hadn't…been friendly one minute, then, set...free, and left. Without him.

His mother would be in Asgard. She would be in Valhalla right now, because she was a great Viking woman.

Vikings didn't cry.

Hiccup thought he had determined weeks ago that he was never going to be a Viking.

But without Toothless, almost everything that had ever bothered him when he was younger washed over him in waves now: disappointment foremost.

Without his dragon, he was just the screw up again; the boy who managed to get everything wrong.

Did he even matter to anyone?

And… and what _he'd _lost today wasn't any different than what everyone else had. He shouldn't be feeling this miserable.

Except…Toothless meant so much more to him than the other dragons did. Even Astrid couldn't understand how much he loved the Night Fury.

He'd _been_ there for Hiccup when he needed him, he was the first being to care for him, and love him. He'd given Hiccup a purpose in life. He'd given him a friend. Toothless was still his best friend.

Well, he thought he was before he left.

He was so arrogant, Hiccup thought to himself. Not Snotlout's kind of arrogance, but a quieter, more painful breed that only announces itself in sorrow.

He thought he mattered more to the Night Fury than other Vikings meant to other dragons. He thought that, despite everything, Toothless would stay with him.

He was wrong.


	2. Day 1: MidMorning

**A little on the short side, picks up directly after the last chapter. You might want to go check on the ending so you know how Hiccup's standing.**

**This one includes Gobber and Astrid; both in their blunt (or more blunt) ways of comfort. I warn you: not very interesting. Read at your own risk to your sanity: very sad right now.**

**The reason I'm so late (and this is pathetic because I didn't schedule when I upload) is because it took me forever to write this chapter. I didn't want Hiccup to wallow in self-pity, which doesn't seem his style; but he's devastated. Also, I wanted a separation between the Astrid part and the Gobber part, but both of them put together are hardly enough for a chapter.**

**While you're reading, keep in mind that this was all written together, sort of like a oneshot, but it's so long I separated it. **

**-One more note - this is still Day 1. I have no plan for the rest of the story, but it'll show up. Sorry for keeping you; read on!**

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><p>A few minutes after this realization, Hiccup used the back of his hand to wipe his eyes and he looked up.<p>

The cove was vastly different covered in a blanket of snow. The open stretch of dirt where he'd drawn with Toothless was unrecognizable, the waterfall was frozen, and the little lake was glimmering with at least a foot of ice.

He stood up, and leaned back against the rock, trying to will his eyes to dry. After a few moments, the stinging of the cold air subsided and he blinked the tears away. He tried to steady his breathing and calm himself down.

Now, there was only one thing for it.

He'd have to go after him.

Hiccup pushed himself off the rock, but stopped still at the sound of hesitant footsteps.

"Hiccup? Are you in here?"

Hiccup crouched down, praying to every god he could remember that Astrid wouldn't spot his footsteps.

It was too much to ask for.

Instead, Astrid burst through the entrance to the cove, with red cheeks and her hair flying behind her.

"Hiccup, I know you're here, and you know I'm going to find you." She went quiet, and he supposed she was sneaking up on him. He sighed again, settling back to the rock, crossing his arms stubbornly.

Suddenly her face appeared above his, and he snorted. "What do you want?"

She raised her eyebrows. "Depends. I thought _you_ might want to talk."

He didn't. He wanted to keep all his feelings locked up in a little box inside him, just like he had for the previous years of his life. He didn't want to say anything; because besides his dad, Astrid was the single other opinion that mattered to him, and even though she'd seen him at his worst, he had no intention of breaking down in front of her. And with Toothless, words weren't necessary.

"I don't."

She sighed like she'd expected as much.

"Hiccup-"

He scowled lightly at her, but she kept going.

"You need to understand that _I'm _hurting, too."

"You don't understand."

"And I never will if you don't talk to me."

He sighed and stared at the ground where it was scuffed by her boots and his legs. It was safer than looking at her, herself.

Then she sat down next to him and looked at the sky. After a few minutes of silence, Hiccup glanced up, too, trying to see what she was looking at.

The sky was a cold, clear white; with only hints of blue hiding behind thick, pearly clouds: a winter sky on Berk, nothing out of the ordinary.

Without thinking, Hiccup started to measure the wind, the speed, and the cloud layers. Then he remembered: no one was flying today.

"You really want to be up there, don't you?"

"Yeah."

She didn't say anything else, but punched his shoulder lightly. He took it, but when he turned she was already gone, the only sign she'd ever been there the light footprints next to him and his blazing red face.

He really, really didn't want her to see him cry.

But, pulling himself back together, he walked slowly back to the village. He almost stopped by his house, then remembered he didn't have any flying gear to put away.

Scowling, he pulled his vest tighter around himself and stalked to the smithy.

The heat hit him like a wave, and he sighed. He rubbed his head, wishing he still had his helmet. It had meant so much to him, the first gift his father had ever given him, something from his mother that he couldn't remember. Even though he'd cast it aside, it was still one of his most treasured possessions. Gone. Now it was gone, and he'd never be able to get it back without Toothless…

Which brought that back up to mind.

"Bout time you showed up!" exclaimed Gobber, and Hiccup frowned, taking off his vest – so much for warmth – and tying the apron over himself.

"Yeah? I was kind of busy."

"With that dragon o' yours?" Gobber's question was a little too innocent, too curious.

"With Astrid," snapped Hiccup. "Don't try to tell me you don't know."

Abruptly, Gobber whirled around and asked, "Know _what. Exactly?_"

Hiccup closed his eyes. He took a deep breath, then said, "Toothless left." Then he turned away and set to work.

He worked as hard as he did building the tailfin. He concentrated all of his thoughts on the task in front of him, making it perfect. He melted down extra metal lying around, and began a difficult repair job on someone's two daggers. He didn't know how someone could have managed to twist them so terribly, but he added and welded them back to their original shape.

When they were glowing with heat, mundane but good, hard workmanship apparent, he slammed them in frustration down on the workbench. Why did anyone need _daggers, _anyway?

He supposed the best it would do anyone these days was to pick their teeth.

"Yeh really miss him, don't ya," Gobber asked gently. Hiccup breathed out in frustration: why couldn't people just leave him alone?

But he responded tightly, "Yeah."


	3. Day 1: Lunch

**The long awaited chapter three! There's actually some action in here (not much, it's a setup) and Hiccup finally gets some initiative! I'm sorry I'm so late [Dragon Keeper was sucking my attention] but here it is! Enjoy, read, and review! **

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><p>After he finished his work, which largely consisted of just those two daggers, Hiccup sat on a stool and looked out at the village.<p>

He was morose, and watching the children moping around in the snow sadly didn't exactly lift his spirits.

He could tell Gobber was trying to think of something to say, but wisely held his tongue so he wouldn't depress Hiccup further.

"Hey, Hiccup!" his cousin's voice came right in front of him. Hiccup toppled backward in distraction, landing hard on the half-sunken floor of the forge.

"Whoa." Snotlout extended a huge arm through the service window. Hiccup looked at it warily from the ground, then accepted the help and let himself be swung up, wobbling as Snotlout withdrew his hand and held it still like he was waiting for a glass piece to stop rocking.

The twin's faces were bright and cheerful looking down at him. "Hiccup-" Something cut them off.

"Hi," beamed Astrid, pushing them aside so she could stand in front. "Why don't you come to lunch with us?" Her grin was dazzling; and even as he watched Snotlout's smile faltered for a moment and she jabbed him viciously with an elbow, causing him to hitch it back up.

It was forced, he could see that, but he appreciated the attempt to make him feel better, maybe cheer him up a little. A little.

Only Fishlegs' expression looked truly happy, but Hiccup couldn't understand _why._ He'd acted strangely before, but…there was no way.

"Sure," he said.

He untied the leather apron (Snotlout sniggered, and Astrid snapped a hand shut to silence him) and hung it on a hook, retrieving his fur vest and slipping it on. Honestly, he couldn't remember the last time he'd worn the vest for a full day – most days he didn't bother putting it on, but had himself bucked into his flying harness instead.

He pushed it away. He could tell how hard Astrid was working to make everyone cheer him up, and he wasn't going to ruin it.

He came out from behind the counter and took his place at the far end of the line of teenagers - but instead, they wouldn't let him, and formed a sort of guard. He sighed.

He felt smothered, suffocated. He was used to having his space, and when he glanced at Astrid, she didn't seem to notice, but instead was smiling rather weakly up the hill, as if wondering how in Asgard she was going to get through this lunch.

He really couldn't blame her, and when she noticed him staring, she seemed to be able to turn up the brilliance until she was glowing.

For him.

Gods, he'd never loved someone and hated them so much at the same time.

He coughed and wished he'd never thought of that, because it just brought it back around to unpleasant subjects.

"Soo…" no one was talking. It was supremely awkward, with Fishlegs whistling like he had no care in the world, even the twins staring at him in disgust.

"What?" he squeaked. "I'm happy!"

Ruffnut rolled her eyes and punched her brother. He took it silently, a first, and just straightened his helmet, shooting an angry look at Fishlegs.

Snotlout glanced at him, in wonderment of how he could be happy, but Hiccup wasn't focused enough to care.

Waves of misery were crashing over him. He was so _lonely._

He let out a short laugh, and Astrid's eyes opened wide, staring at him. She tried to ask a question with them, but he looked away.

A few months ago, he would have given anything to be surrounded by these people, trying to comfort him while he was upset.

And now he was _lonely?_

He wasn't being fair to himself, and he knew it, but he couldn't help it.

When they reached the bottom of the stone stairs leading up to the Mead Hall, Ruffnut and Tuffnut surged ahead, but the others stuck next to him, even though Fishlegs kept stealing furtive glances. Strange…

But Hiccup really couldn't bother himself to care, and instead climbed the stairs dully.

He winced every time his leg clacked against the rock, his face twisting. _Why? _Nothing seemed to go right, ever.

Then he noticed Astrid, her eyes unfocused. She had tears on her cheeks. He stopped experimentally, and then kicked as hard as he could into the next step.

She jumped toward him as he gasped in pain, but it was worth it, to cause her expression to change so quickly.

"What happened?" she demanded, her hand viselike around his forearm, keeping him from falling forward, or back, or both.

"Um…technical difficulties?" he tried. He didn't know what had caused him to come up with the joke, but it had to have been the best one he'd thought of since he got the prosthetic. She rolled her eyes, but didn't let go. Her hand slid down his arm until she was holding his wrist in a firm grip.

He wished she'd move it down some more, so he could actually have some control in where she was leading him, but she resisted.

Then another thought struck him.

He'd gone almost _two minutes _without feeling miserable.

That had to be a start, right?

Maybe if he spent his time with Astrid it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe…it would be almost bearable until Toothless came back.

If…

With his free hand, he rubbed his eye as her voice rang in his head from the day before.

"_What if he doesn't come back? What am I saying? Of course he will!"_

"Uh, you guys can go ahead if you want," Hiccup said awkwardly, trying to get rid of them. He wanted to corner Astrid about her comment earlier. If anyone was going to be straight with him, it would be her.

She'd always been blunt.

Something he liked about her, and craved at the moment.

Almost anything she'd say made him rethink his own decisions.

"If that's what you want-" Snotlout looked doubtfully at him, and Hiccup jerked, completely forgetting what was going on. He nodded, and Snotlout gestured to Fishlegs, who glanced back nervously, then went ahead.

"Are you alright?"

He sighed, letting his face fall for the first time since he'd emerged.

"Guess not."

They were silent. He knew she was walking far too slowly to be comfortable, so he sped up his pace a little.

She was slightly surprised, but adapted quickly, trying so hard for him.

It really hurt.

Why did she have to be so caring? Why couldn't she be blunt and cut straight to the core of the matter with sharp, logical words of comfort?

He changed his mind. He didn't want company. He was just about to turn back when he looked behind him and realized he'd already climbed almost all of the stairs.

He was _not _going back down after forcing himself up all those.

Hiccup realized that if he didn't ask her now, he never would. He made an attempt, coughed, then said tonelessly, "Astrid, why did you say that?"

She stopped walking, and he almost bumped into her.

"Because you seemed miserable." She answered sharply, like he'd asked a stupid question.

"No, I mean – I mean, back at the smithy. When you asked what if Toothless will never come back?" now tears were forming in the corners of his eyes, burning and threatening to spill over his cheeks. He felt sick. Why was he doing this to her? It was going to upset her, but he needed to know.

She didn't have an answer.

She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She breathed deeply. Then she managed, "I guess…I was trying to discourage you from giving the tail…to him. But you know he will."

"How?" he asked. "How could I know?"

"He's your best friend." Her voice wobbled, and he realized she was close to tears. He was making her cry. "I'm sure there's a good reason they all went."

"Right. I'll…uh…keep that in mind."

She sniffed, trying to pull herself together, and he realized she wasn't holding his wrist anymore.

"You – you go in. I'll be up there in a second." They were only two steps from the top. Hiccup moved toward the door quietly, then looked back.

She was sobbing quietly, but some instinct told him not to disturb her.

He wanted to comfort her. He did. It was _his _fault she was crying, after all. But everything was already so confusing and painful, and he just didn't think he could do it.

So he went inside.

The place was full of sad, quiet Vikings. At their table, Ruffnut was sitting as still as if she was at a funeral, Tuffnut was lying on the table, and Snotlout was slumped back, staring at his chicken.

Fishlegs, on the other hand, was playing solitaire cheerfully.

"Oooh!" he cried in triumph.

Sighing, Hiccup ducked his head under a flying, meaty arm, and sat down. He rested his chin against his fist, staring dispiritedly at the grains in the table.

"So. What were you doing with Astrid out there?" Tuffnut asked, raising his head slightly so his voice wasn't muffled by the wood. Hiccup looked up at the ceiling, and lied, "Nothing."

Snotlout groaned obnoxiously and dramatized, "So. You make us all go in before you. You stay out there _by yourselves_, for, like, fifteen minutes, and come back in by yourself, and you say that _nothing happened? _You have got to be kidding me!"

"Well," Hiccup said irritably. "I managed, indirectly, to make her cry, if that's what you mean."

"O-o-o-h," Snotlout coughed, perhaps for the first time feeling anxious or uncomfortable. He looked interestedly at Hiccup. "How?"

Hiccup raised a hand and rubbed his eye, giving him a chance to shield his face for a moment. _How?_ What did his cousin want that for, anyway? So he could go and comfort her? So he could make girls cry? No matter whatever else he was, Hiccup didn't think Snotlout would bully girls as much as he'd bullied Hiccup when they were younger.

"Um…we talked," he responded lamely.

"Oh," said Snotlout, sounding disappointed.

"What did _you_ say that made her cry?" asked Ruffnut suspiciously. Cheeks reddening (why did he have to flush! Nothing even happened!) Hiccup stared down at the table. "The dragons," he replied slowly.

Suddenly Ruffnut was all in his face. "You know, you're not the only one who's sad. Everyone else has dragons, too! We miss them, so you can't go and be all mopey and acting like you're better than us!"

"Whoa-" Tuffnut grabbed her by her shoulders and pulled her back a little. "Give him a break, Ruff."

She shrugged his hands away and settled down again. "You really aren't."

But Hiccup was looking away.

She was right. He _wasn't _better than any of them. As much as he liked to kid himself, Toothless was gone, and so were the rest of the dragons, and there wasn't anything he could do about it…Looking to either side and seeing disinterested, upset Vikings, Hiccup swung his legs around the bench and tried to get up.

"Uh, no!" Fishlegs exclaimed, and held out an arm to try to stop Hiccup from leaving the table. "Astrid said you're not allowed to leave!"

Hiccup raised his eyebrows. Astrid…? "Well, I am," he scowled.

"You can't!" squealed Fishlegs nervously. "I mean, there's no dragons even left on the island!"

"What?" Tuffnut was fully sitting up now, staring at Fishlegs. "Who said anything about dragons?"

"Yeah?" asked Hiccup, trying to go with Tuffnut's thought. "I…I mean, I…finished." He hoped no one would notice that there had never been any food on the table in the first place.

"Oh. Okay, then. I guess." Hiccup backed away slowly, wondering what had gotten into his big friend. Astrid really didn't think he would…

Okay. Maybe she knew him better than he gave her credit for.

She knew exactly what he wanted to do.

But it wasn't going to stop him. After all, since when had he played by their rules?

Nope. He was going to go after the dragons.


End file.
